Potential Topics

Topics I'm thinking about writing about (provided I actually sit down and write them):
1. The Stock Market Fell 600 Points!! Wait, That's a Bad Thing, Right? (Subtitle: Why I have to remember to look concerned when people freak out about stock market seizures because I stopped caring about that part of math class over 12 years ago and I'm never going to have money invested in the market anyway)

2. Things I Think During Church (Subtitle: Stop trying to hold my hand during the Our Father or there's going to be a rumble. I don't care if everyone else is doing it. If you're not related to me, then stop holding my hand. Wait, you are related to me? Stop trying to hold my hand anyway. What do you think we are, Evangelicals?)

3. No, I Don't Want to Hear About Your Experiences with Discount Laser Eye Surgery But Thank You For Asking (subtitle: Upon further review, it seems that *your* experience was the LASIK equivalent of getting a 1940s' back-alley abortion. Perhaps that's why your eyeballs melted?)

4. I Also Know How To Use Ancestry.com, Jackasses (subtitle: I'm not going to be the one who uploads the story about the great-great-great-uncle who was running moonshine out of his basement*)

*That didn't actually happen so calm down.